Julia Anna

NEM 2009 - Washington, DC

2009-10-15T00:26:42Z

Going to the National Equality March and Rally this last weekend was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Going by myself was rough, having to carry my backpack the entire time gave me a work out, and I wasn't as social as I had hoped.
HOWEVER, I can say that I was at this historic event. I was there, I marched the two miles and I stayed until the last speaker.

Pretty fucking fantastic.
Juli

almost_there @ 2009-06-03T18:01:00

2009-06-03T22:04:04Z

I was a phys. ed substitute today at Snow Elementary and it was awesome. I wish I could go back in time and go into kinesiology.

Also, do I promote the female phys ed teacher stereotype if I'm only a substitute?

-Juli

almost_there @ 2009-05-06T10:54:00

2009-05-06T14:57:11Z

Dear Self,

Stop self-editing. Stop referring to your girlfriend as your "friend". Stop trying to be polite when dealing with people who oppose same sex marriage and inclusive anti-bullying legislation, who support the BSA's policy against homosexual scout leaders, and a laundry list of other issues close to your heart.

Speak up when people are acting like bigots. Don't talk yourself out of arguments because you don't feel like you have all the information. Opponents of LGBT inclusive policies don't give a shit about facts, so why do you keep from speaking up because you don't know every last detail about a policy?

Stop tip-toeing around the religious issues. You're religious, you're an active member of the United Church of Christ, and you support inclusive legislation and policies. Speak up about the progressive stance your church has taken and how it hasn't brought the end of times.

Stop being so fucking nice!

Love you, but sometimes you get on my nerves,
Julia

2nd Edit

2009-04-08T13:07:28Z

Notes to Self:
Do not rely on the internet for important conversations. ALWAYS go for phone or personal meetings.

Goals for the New Year (Part 1):
Soon:
Find an after school tutoring program & volunteer.
~~Visit Beloit & Michigan Tech~~

By This Summer:
Graduate. May 16th!!!
Go backpacking up north.
Babysit!
Find a writing workshop I want to attend.
~~Finalize Chicago Pride Plans~~

By This Fall:
Find an internship?
Plan Visits To: St Louis, N.Carolina, Baltimore
Save money!

In general:
~~Finally get my finances together.~~ Working on that...
Actually hang out with people instead of sitting around watching movies; find ways to better keep in touch with people.
Follow through with promises.
Read more books! Write more stories!
Be more vocally out about bein' a big ol' homo.

almost_there @ 2008-12-25T20:30:00

2008-12-26T01:32:57Z

In my alternative world, I'm a good student and Alice & Tasha live happily ever after. Also, Fuck Shenny. What kind of BS is that shit?

Also, Merry Christmas!
Juil

almost_there @ 2008-12-04T03:05:00

2008-12-04T09:53:15Z

I didn't mean to stay up so late, but I was working on my Writing for Social Justice project and started rereading old LJ entries. The project is on the importance of LGBT alliances in high schools, and I'm submitting a series of narratives on the coming out process.

I started rereading old LJ entries, to see what I said about my sexuality without actually admitting it. It's funny, rereading old LJ entries. Not "funny haha", but funny weird.
- I was a bizarre high schooler, who felt the need to talk about boys all the time to cover up my incredible panic about my sexuality. I was pretty misserable and messed up, but I never reached out for help. I also had a pretty fucked up body image.
- But my senior year was pretty amazing.
- My parents grounded me so much, and for some really ridiculous shit.
- I had some amazing friends that I let drift away.
- I was misserable at MSU, and drank a lot.
- I was better at Beloit, but I feel like I expected too much from the external change. I also have a really strong tendency to sabotage parts of my life that are going well.

I doubt I EVER would have thought I'd be where I am right now, graduating in 5 years (hopefully) with a biology degree, massive amounts of student loans, and no idea what I want to do. But on the other hand, even if I'm still a horrible student and still don't work out enough or keep all my promises, I'm in such a better place. I have to remember to remind myself about that more often than I do.

God, would you believe that I've had this sucker for 8 1/2 years? 'Cause I don't. & I have.

-Juli

almost_there @ 2008-10-29T19:20:00

2008-10-30T00:22:30Z

I keep forgetting how much I dig Amelia Earhart. I would love to go back in time and split a fifth of liquor with her. I bet she'd drink me under the table.

-Juli

almost_there @ 2008-10-28T09:04:00

2008-10-28T14:06:19Z

My foolproof access to journal articles with my MSU account has finally ended. No longer does just a functional email adress allow you access. No, now you need to actually be an enrolled student!

I think I just died a little inside.

-Juli

almost_there @ 2008-10-09T08:58:00

2008-10-09T14:43:54Z

Health care is quickly becoming a big issue to me, between debating between taking out additional loans so I can be covered by my families insurance and watching friends fall ill and be afraid to go to the doctors 'cause they're uninsured. This whole system is fucked up, and our Presidential candidates are just talking smoke and mirrors. McCain's health plan is for shit, and Obama's is nondescript.

I'm pissed because no candidate, no party is stepping up and declaring that LGBT issues are civil rights, minority rights issues.

I swear, I'm going to end up with a BS, $40,000 in debt & a working-class tax bracket when I graduate. I'm so damn pissed and I don't know what to do about it.

How can I stop caring? Because that would alleviate a lot of my stress.
-Juli

I tend to delude myself into beliving that I'm poetic.

2008-10-07T10:42:00Z

I'm steps away from pulling an all-nighter. My first of the semester. I've actually gotten a lot done. What you ask?

Well.

One me-size diagram of the digestive system, including nifty little flash cards, ropes and weights and measures for interactive learning. Just try to piece me together and not tell me I'm perfect.
One almost done journal, missing a few stories that took too much heart or too much willpower. But I'll get back to them, I promise.
One half-assed essay about a drama about siblings and abuse. I admit defeat, I will never be able to convincingly write a literature review. I questions myself too much to question others.

I have also eluded security and spent the night in the Science Center, and last (but certainly not least), I've listened to all the Tegan & Sara songs available on my flashdrive. And a couple twice.

My, there truly are quite a lot of hours in a day.
Juli

almost_there @ 2008-09-21T20:20:00

2008-09-22T01:36:29Z

Okay. So, I feel I should do my mandatory update now that the semester has officially started. I had such a fantastic week/weekend. It made me much happier to be back.

I'll admit, like I have to several people these last few days, that it was very hard coming back this semester. Realizing that all of my fellow biology seniors have left, that so many of my senior friends had left, and my fantastic second home in Townhouse D was gone, it honestly felt like I was starting over. It's hard, it's always hard, to start a new semester, but this year felt different and was made worse by the fact that I had such an amazing summer.

School has also been quite intense, so I allowed myself to get sucked into my head and my schoolwork, and venture out very little. However, I'm getting over it, things are starting to balance out, and I'm realizing that I need to talk advantage of my time here 'cause there are some fabulous people I'm meeting/remeeting on campus. I'm over my funk now, thanks to these last few days.

Also, liquor is quite a delightful social lubricant. I love being told by people I knew from these last few years that I'm lovely, that they're glad I'm here this semester, that I am always welcome to drop by. I also love hugs. I forget that sometimes.

And I LOVED hearing from one of the other students in my Creative Writing class that she thinks I'm one of the best writers in there. After not taking a writing course in, oh, five years, I was afraid I'd lost it.

I also am proud of myself, because I'm attending the Alliance meetings. I'm forcing myself to do something I haven't felt comfortable doing since I left MSU, and it's paying off. I'm also proud of myself for being much more vocally out this semester than I ever have been before. It was worth it just for the look on my Creative Writing teacher's face. Ha! What a good day!

So with that, I am promising myself from RIGHT NOW and onward, that I will get my work done in a timely manner, and I will socialize a little more than I probably should, and I will not allow myself to hide out in my little cubbyhole of a room any more.

Oh, and I'll also make sure to keep track of the number of phone-minutes I use. Holy bejesus! did I use too many last month!

-Juli

almost_there @ 2008-07-01T23:25:00

2008-07-02T04:29:13Z

Apparently, when life gives me lemons, I prefer to cut the lemon, and then squeeze the juice on my first available open wound. And then realize there was sugar and a glass of water next to me.

-Juli

almost_there @ 2008-05-06T11:42:00

2008-05-06T16:57:20Z

God damn it all. I know this is a bitchy move, I KNOW IT IS, but when you've been talking to a girl for a fucking semester, and you visited her twice (I changed around my damn spring break schedule), and she didn't, that's frustrating. But whatever, I was gonna just make her visit during the last week of school, 'cause she'd be in Chicago and that would be both cheaper and easier.

But now, she's sick. SERIOUSLY, fuck this. I am pretty much over this whole thing. I know it's a bitchy move, and people can't control getting sick, but fucking shit. This semester has basically been one big tease, and it's stressful and draining and I don't know if it's worth all the work. I'm sorry, but I'm not a monk.

-Juli

almost_there @ 2008-04-23T07:46:00

2008-04-23T13:00:59Z

So, I'm writing a paper on the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, that would extend employment protection legislation to include sexual orientation and gender identity. I'm theoretically against the currently version of ENDA, because of the drop of gender identity from it's text. I strongly believe that it weakens the bill significantly. HOWEVER, I also understand that this bill is important and could act as a stepping stone for LGBT legislation.

But I digress. The problem I have with writing this paper, is that I feel I must discuss the criticism of the bill, which includes criticism from the religious right. Reading their twisted and manipulated words about the LGBT community ties my stomach into knots. The hate that they preach makes me physically ill.

Writing this paper has reminded me that there are people out there who want me dead, who believe that not only I, but my family who supports me belong in hell because of something I have no control over. I know all this, and have known this for years. What gets me is that reading the articles still induces as great physical response from me as it did the first time I read it.

-Juli

[EDIT]

2008-04-21T14:58:39Z

I really am meaner to myself than anyone else could ever possibly be.

FUCK.
-Juli

almost_there @ 2008-04-09T21:22:00

2008-04-10T02:53:16Z

I just drank 32 oz of Diet Coke (I know, I know, Coca-cola regularly pwns India, but being a corporate sell out tastes so good) and now I'm feeling both wired and giddy. This is probably incredibly obnoxious to anyone in the library around me. Especially when I was watching Never Mind the Buzzcocks. (PS, if you haven't seen that show, search for it on youtube.com, watch an episode, and thank me some time in the future).

One of the girls in Eco-Lit had this little quiz book, and it was a lot of silly questions, like what I like on my hamburgers (ketchup, mustard, and onions always; tomatoes and lettuce when the mood strikes) and what my last dream was (I told her I couldn't remember, which was untrue, but I am pretty sure that discussing dreams of a sexual nature involving myself and Deak Evgenikos character from Itty Bitty Titty Committee are pretty much off limits during Help Yourself events). However, two questions stuck in my head: what do I want right now? and who is my hero?

Right now, I want more self discipline and to pass my classes, which sounds like a small feat, except that I'm still working on my senior thesis manuscript. I'm rather frustrated at myself, because I had SUCH a successful Fall semester, and now I'm backtracking and flailing and incredibly stressed.

And my current hero is most definitely my mom, which I feel a bit mean saying because I don't like to pick a favorite, ever. But after the phone conversation with my mother last night, she's damn up there. She always knows what to say to bring up my self esteem. Which is nice, especially when I feel like I'm constantly disappointingly her.

But fuck these serious entries! The main reason I wanted to post something was so that I can remind myself to get a hold of The Cliks album AND their cover of "Cry Me A River". ALSO, The Gossip covers of pretty much anything are fantastic.

Off to go do something or whatever,
Juli

almost_there @ 2008-04-06T23:26:00

2008-04-07T04:59:04Z

So, it was brought to my attention this weekend that people view me as someone with a positive body image. And that this fact is somewhat critical in how others view themselves. I tend to be taken back by comments like that. Mainly because, while I do have a positive body image now, it came after years of negativity. I've always viewed it as more an evolution of body image, that is grounded in the realization I had a couple years ago that I can't change the body I have. I can not be taller or thinner or have smaller feet or thighs or any other slew of things. I just have to suck it up and deal with the fact that I am pretty and I have great hair. That being small means I can curl up in chairs with ease (which is one of my favorite things to do). I can't tan, but I can get a slew of freckles all over my knees and shoulders. I am not someone who will ever fall into the idealized concept of beauty, and I've become okay with that. I will I feel like I have more "body compromise" than anything else.

And I'm saying these things now so I can look back on the bad days when all the negativity out there starts to wear me down, and remind myself that it doesn't last.

-Juli

almost_there @ 2008-03-24T11:49:00

2008-03-24T17:06:22Z

So, I'm watching the season finale of The L Word and I think my two favorite characters are Max and Molly, neither of which get enough airtime. Is it bad, that in a show I follow so closely, I don't like most of the main characters? I can't help it, I'm part of the contingency of "lesbians that love to hate The L Word". I'm damn frustrated that the writers keep assuming we, like the characters they write, have no recollection of past seasons. I really hope that Shane, resident bad boi, gets her shit together and realizes that she deserves better. And let that better be Molly, because Clementine Ford is fucking gorgeous.
And right now, I'm no longer rooting for Alice and Tasha, because, right now, Tasha deserves way better. And shit, now I like Jenny...

Fuck the ending of this season. It was SO GOOD up until the last episode.

-Juli

almost_there @ 2008-03-18T00:01:00

2008-03-18T06:51:04Z

So, instead of working on my homework, like I should be, I'm updating this thing. I am dedicating this entry to my mother. I am writing down the following because I always want to remember it.

This last summer, my mom found my facebook account, in which I list "interested in: Women". I intended on coming out to my parents when I turned 21, because I figured that I had to do it. I needed to move on with my life, not harbor any secrets. I always wanted to tell my parents, but I didn't because I saw how some of my friends parents reacted. I knew in my heart that my parents weren't the type to disown me, but my head told me that it still had the potential to be a horrible situation. I remember some distinct moments when I was younger where conversations with my parents lead to some homophobic comments from family members, including both my parents. I didn't actually come out to my parents on my birthday, because I had a bit of a panic about it, but was setting up to do it before the end of July, because I needed to.

I would like to first mention that my mom is a fantastically crazy lady, who had developed a habit of coming to my bed at some ridiculous hour in the morning (usually between 6:30am and 8, and always at least one hour before my alarm would go off), with two mugs of very doctored coffee in hand. So her waking me up one morning didn't surprise me. However, when the first things she said to me that morning was "I have a question for you: is Lindsay more than just a friend?", that did take me back. At this point, Lindsay and I weren't dating. We were hanging out and I was quickly realizing that my increased nervousness and willingness to buy her french fries were definite indicators that I wanted to be more than friends with the girl with the adorable jawline. My response to my mother was honest, "We are not going out, but I am interested in her as more than a friend". She then asked me if I was bi, I said nope, and then exchanged a few words and finished with "Okay" and she walked away.

Two days later, I was in our basement, and she was standing at the top of the stairs. She looked at me and said "You have a dinner date with your father." That was it. Not that I actually needed her to say more. When I got in the car, I knew I was in for some awkward conversation. My dad started with "So, is there something you need to tell me?” I responded the only way I could "I need you to say it, Dad." So he asked me out right, "Are you gay? Or are you just not sure?” (The actual quote is downright hilarious, but needs to be said in person, and preferably after a couple beers.)

This is hard for me, because I was sure. I am sure that I'm gay. But I also know that it took me a damn long while (8 years almost) to figure out who I was and 8 years of struggling is hard to articulate well. I didn't know anyone who seemed to be as confused as I was growing up. Everyone I knew who was gay seemed so damn confident about it, and knew for years. Even if they were hiding it, they seemed to know. Also, most of the gay girls and women I knew were on the butchier side, which wasn't me either. (I can't tell you how many times I've had to defend myself, because I don't "look" gay). And I wasn't a man-hater, which seemed to be a bit of a prerequisite too. So I didn't write off guys. Over the years, I hung out with guys, almost dated a couple, and had sex with a few. But the fact of the matter is, none of that felt right. I originally came out as Bi, but that didn't seem to fit either. And it took me another year or so to finally realize that I was gay. (Which sometimes I still feel like people don't take seriously). But when I was finally honest with myself, I was much happier and much less self destructive.

So I was honest with my father, that I was damn positive that I was gay, and no, it wasn't something that was new of fleeting. Then my father was honest with me, about how he worried that being gay would mean I would lead a difficult life, and how he didn't understand how shocked my mother was, because "it's not like you weren't dropping hints for the last two years". A few minutes passed and then we pulled into a steak house (how appropriate, I know), and it was understood that the conversation was over for now. When we sat down to eat, we both ordered steaks and beer and proceeded in getting buzzed. Then my father and I had a two hour conversation about life and college and politics and (almost) anything under the sun. We also had our first "Well, isn't this funny?" moments when our waiter hit on me.

I can count on one hand the times my parents said something that just made my heart break, and two are included in this story. When we got home, after we walked in the house, my dad stopped and looked at me. "So, do Jaclyn and Claire know?" "Yes." "Robbie and Jeanine?" "Yes." (Beat) "So your mother and I were the last to know?" Heart break #1. Of course they were the last to know. I loved my parents so much that I couldn't bare the idea that they might not love me any more if they found out. If I lost my friends after I came out, it would have upset me, but I could just move on and make new friends. If my parents rejected me after I came out to them, I couldn't just go out and find new parents. I haven't explained this to my father this yet. I want to, though.

So the summer went on, and it included some embarrassing and some tense moments. My dad and I didn't talk about it further; however, he did dish out the fatherly affection a little more than normal, which was reassuring. My mom, on the other hand, seemed to be vocalizing everything as she tried to wrap her head around it. She would occasionally ask why I couldn't give guys a second chance, which would end with me reassuring her that it wouldn't happen. "Oh, but they smell so good!" "So do girls, mom." One of my favorite quotes happened when she and my sister were visiting my Aunt in Chicago. My mom was chatting to my Aunt and just burst out with "I think Julia's boyfriends are girlfriends!", in which my Aunt responded with "Your cousin Addison was in love with a lesbian once".

During the fall semester, my non-defined relationship with Lindsay came to an end, and my sister asked me about it during Thanksgiving. It got back to my mother, and three days after I went back to school she called me and talked at length about how she's impressed by how level headed I seemed after a breakup, and that she would have just started dating someone right away, but that was because she was a bit of a flirt.

Over Christmas break, I began hanging out with Lindsay again, because despite the bullshit surrounding how things ended, I adore the damn girl to pieces and I like to think of her as one of my closest friends. Before I went out one night, my mom stopped me and told me that she was glad that I was so mature about relationships, but if that girl broke my heart again, she couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't do something drastic.

I visited home for a weekend in February, in which I visited MSU and ended up hanging out all day with this girl (Katie), a friend of a friend. When I got home, my mom (of course) asked me about my trip, and when I mentioned Katie, gave me this funny look and then asked "Is Katie a friend? Or a romantic friend?" and then asked me what my type was. The whole thing just left me in stitches, because how many times does your mother ask you what you want in a "romantic friend"?

When I came home for Spring Break, the first thing I saw when I walked into my room was two pamphlets for the Triangle Foundation on my dresser. And then during the week, she asked me what I wanted to do when I got out of school. I told her that I have always wanted to live and work in Detroit, in which she responded with "You living in Detroit makes me nervous. Have you thought about Ferndale? It seems like a hip neighborhood, and I hear it has a very accepting culture."

At the end of Break, I gave my mom a book I had been holding onto for a while, Love, Ellen, an autobiography by Betty DeGeneres. Being that my mother and I are Ellen fans, I thought it would be appropriate. A few days after getting back to school, I get a voicemail from my mother, "Julia, I have been reading Betty's book and I have some questions for you". I call her back, and the first thing she says is "How PFLAG mom do you want me to be? Because I'm willing to go all the way!" This is followed by at length conversation about how I don't want her to do anything that makes her very uncomfortable, but I will not go back in the closet or dodge questions about it. And that I need her to be supportive of me, and my friends. I then mentioned that I could give her the locations of some PFLAG meetings, in which I got a very loud "Wait! PFLAG is a real thing? I thought they made it up for Queer as Folk!” After I stopped laughing, I explained to her that, yes, it is real, and that there are actually several groups in the Metro Detroit area. This returned an even louder "You mean there is more than one group I can go to?!" and ended with me laughing.

I feel like I should insert a quick memo here. My mother loves groups, and has a tendency to get overly involved. She started out as a mom of a Girl Scout when I was 8, and now trains GS Leaders. I now fear I have given her another project, and wouldn't be surprised if she ends up a PFLAG president. We talk a little more, and then she gets quiet. "Julia, I want you to know that I love you and I'm glad that you told me. There were a few years there when I couldn't figure out why we weren't close any more, and it broke my heart". Heart break #2.

So, with that, you have Part 1 of the story of how my mother became the most fabulous of all the "I Love My Lesbian Daughter!" moms.

-Juli

almost_there @ 2008-03-08T21:20:00

2008-03-09T03:42:18Z

So, this is mainly just for me, because I've been in the mood to create lists and sort out thoughts.

So this summer, if I don't fuck up my current internship too much (which is a possibility, being that some of the paperwork still isn't completed), I may be helping create a three week day camp for 5th graders in the Beloit Community. I will be teaching "Ecological Literacy", IE how to understand and "read" nature. It's pretty sweet, but incredibly scary. I mean, this is one of those things that I may actually want to pursue as a career. And it sounds silly, but I almost don't want to run it just 'cause it may end up being a bust. I guess I'm just scared it's going to suck, and I'm not capable of running anything.

For the rest of the summer I'm going to be at home, babysitting for some family friends (two girls and a boy, between the ages of 14 and 9). The main reason they want someone at the house is because of of the girls has some serious health problems. She also likes to play Scrabble. It's going to be a fantastic cakewalk of a job. I might also brush up on my sweet janitorial skills and clean my church during the summer.

I just filled out my FAFSA, in which I realized, yet again, that I am going to have to take out loans to pay for my last semester at school, because my college fund has dried up. This has me in a serious state of panic, because I am not going to make close to enough over the summer to pay for school. PLUS, I keep thinking that I'm going to need to get a car soon. REAL SOON. Because I can't keep mooching off my parents (I mean, I can, but it is really inconvenient for all of us). I keep thinking that I should try and get a car this summer, considering that my sister will also be home and probably employed. On the other hand, I will have to seriously figure out how I will pay for insurance while I'm at school, considering that all the phat cash I make up there goes straight to tuition.

And after all this, I'm definitely moving the fuck home and my parents are just going to have to deal with that. I need those handful of months after I graduate in December to get my shit together, and work and play. I do not want to have to think. I do not want to have a job right away in the field I have studied. I miss my family. I miss Michigan. I miss having all my shit in one place.

As always, I regularly come back to the much repeated frustrations of how my life is panning out right now. Half of it is fantastic. Coming out to my parents this summer was a huge stress relief. I have a fucking fantastic group of friends, both at home and at school. I love being overly social at home, meeting new people and going out to clubs. School is frustrating the hell out of me. I think it's mainly 1) still having a semester left and really wishing I didn't and 2) all the loans I'm going to have to pay off after I graduate. That shit scares me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life paying for school, constantly being reminded of my past every month when I pay my bills.

I just want a job in which I can pay my bills and have a horribly active social life. Some days I fear my liberal arts education is going to go to waste, 'cause all I really want to do is waitress or bartend. Or maybe substitute teach.

Fuck...
Juli

almost_there @ 2008-02-27T01:19:00

2008-02-27T08:01:48Z

These last two weeks have reminded me why I transfered to Beloit. Between Beloit's own Super Monday (in which we had a Q&A session with Chelsea Clinton and an Obama Rally in our Sports Stadium), Vortex (Beloit's own Not Metal Music Festival, headlining The Dirtbombs), and tonight's Black History Month Keynote Speaker- Bobby Seale (founder of the Black Panthers), I'm starting to get out of this funk that I think every (wanna-be?) activist goes through. I am so grateful to hear, repeatedly, that the small things I am doing can result in great change; that my generation is indeed not a bunch of lazy, apathetic couch potatoes; and that things really are fucked up. I loved Bobby Seale's speech, with all it's meandering ramblings, for I'm glad to hear that cooperation is how change is made. I'm sick of political figures, leaders, attacking one another. I'm sick of negative campaigning. I'm sick of everyone talking about how different we all are and how that's a bad thing.

However, the longer I am at this school, the antsier I become. I'm sick of this middle class entitlement that I know I am part of. I'm sick of having to rely on my parents to help pay for my train tickets and books. I'm sick of struggling so much just to graduate. I'm sick of having my intelligence questioned. I'm sick of questioning my intelligence. I'm sick of being asked what I want to do with my life, because "I want to change the world", "I want to run a community garden in Detroit", and "I want to live in my parents' basement" all get you equally strange looks. (However, "Oh, I'm thinking about graduate school" and vague descriptions about potential career paths get nothing but smiles).

I'm sick of repeatedly realizing that in the eyes of many Americans, I am a second class citizen. I'm sick of finding myself tip-toeing around my sexuality, catching myself playing the pronoun game, so that I can avoid potential conflict.

And just to be consistent between entries: in the latest episode of The L Word, I love the fact that Tasha gave a big "FUCK YOU" to the National Guard, and I love the fact that she's so in love with Alice, but I can't help but be nervous that that the writers are going to make things difficult for her now that she's no longer in the service. ALSO, fuck Tina & Bette, I'm sick of their story line. Tina would NEVER allow herself to be part of an affair, and I can not stand that they have Bette cheating on her significant other AGAIN. Has she learned nothing?!

I fucking love this song... I'll be the one who'll break my heart
Juli

almost_there @ 2008-02-15T20:42:00

2008-02-16T03:12:42Z

I'm willing to admit that I find many of the songs on Britney Spear's Blackout incredibly fucking catchy.
-Juli

almost_there @ 2008-02-11T14:38:00

2008-02-11T20:42:17Z

Yes, my life is ruled by TV. And yes, I'm super fucking pissed about Tasha and Alice. If they don't get back together by the end of the season, I'll flip out. I understand that they have shit they individually need to work out, but they are not "not right for each other".

-Juli

almost_there @ 2008-01-28T19:27:00

2008-01-29T01:31:14Z

I wish I could get my ass in gear and write my senior manuscript. I wish I had taken more creative writing classes while in college, or even just written more while in college. I wish I hadn't bought those damn shoes Saturday 'cause they bite at my heals. And I wish Alice (on The L Word) wasn't such a raging bitch this season.

Fawk.
Juli

almost_there @ 2008-01-05T22:15:00

2008-01-06T03:30:32Z

I've spent the last (almost) three weeks of my winter break hanging out with a handful of people and sleeping in until noon regularly. I have not, however, spent it reading my thesis research and working out the Eco-Lit schedule. I lost my debit card but I had a great New Years. I had the worst night of my life and rediscovered that my family is pretty sweet. And if one more person asks me what I'm doing with my life after I graduate, fists will be flying. I'm becoming a firm believer in the "no regrets" philosophy.

2007 was a rollercoaster. I hope 2008 is more bumper cars than go-carts.

-Juli